Too much time to think.

This morning, Trevor and I got up at 5 am to get in our bike ride before he needed to head to an event that we are sponsoring. As we were leaving the house, I said to him "this is wrong on so many levels". Seriously, what the hell is with us? The plan was to make two big loops - the scheduled ride was 2 hours and 20 minutes. I figured the loop plan would bring us back by the house in case we had to use the bathroom. Plus, we wouldn't be too far away from home if we had a flat tire or an issue.

We actually saw two newspaper carriers right when we started our ride. Wow. We WERE out there early!! There were almost no cars on the first loop and we saw no other bikers or runners. Towards the end of the first loop, Trevor said he was going to head for home so that he wouldn't be pressed for time and stressed out. That left me on my own for the last hour and twenty minutes of the ride.

The loop we rode was extremly hilly. I have been reading about the bike course at Lake Stevens and it is apparently, really hilly. I had a lot of time to think about things during my solo second loop. I thought mostly about August 16th and this crazy thing that we have decided to do. I thought of everything that could go wrong and worried about each other those things - flat tire, bike crash, injury, illness. Blah, blah, blah. The hills on my route started to scare me - I was concerned that being tired would make them that much harder. I finished the second loop with no problem in the same amount of time that I did the first loop.

I still had about 20 minutes left on my ride, so I went a little further and did one more big hill. By this time, the rest of the world was waking up. I saw several bikers and a few runners. I felt a little less alone. Overall, the ride was great and I felt like I could have kept going. But I didn't. Because I had to run.

I stopped at home and switched my gear from biking to running. I started off on my 20 minute run. About five minutes into my run, I had this thought "what is it all for?" Out of the blue, I started to wonder why I was doing all this. Seriously. Why? Why would I not be satisfied with sleeping in on a Saturday morning. Why would I not be satisfied with going to the gym a few hours a week. What is it that makes a person want to push themself to these limits?

I wondered how I would feel at the end of the 1/2 Ironman. Would I find the answer to the question then? Will it make sense to me? I came up with a few reasons why I think I wouldn't be satisfied with those other things, but I honestly have to say that I am not sure if those are really the reasons.

I know there is a reason and I know eventually, it will be clear to me. This question "what is it all for", didn't slow me down today, I kept on going and finished up my 2 hour and 40 minute workout. Tomorrow, an 11 mile run awaits. I feel great and am looking forward to the run. Maybe the reason is waiting for me there? I don't know. But I'll keep looking until I find it.