Saturday, January 24, 2009

A change in who I am...

I am a creature of habit and routine. My boss says that I am a "delicate, hot-house flower" because I am so sensitive to changes. I need to eat a certain way or I feel crappy, I need to sleep a certain amount or I feel crappy. I workout a certain way, I work a certain a way. I like things the way I like things. And when they are not the way I like them, I melt down. My body does not handle stress well. In the last year I have found myself internalizing my stress in ways I never have before.

I have had some serious gastro-intestinal distress for the last month. My work schedule has changed, which has changed by sleep schedule, my workout scheule, my eating scheule and in turn, I have felt like total crap for over 4 weeks now. Lately, I've just felt like I am falling apart at the seams.

I went to my doctor, didn't like his answer, so went to my nautropath - where I should have gone first - and she has given me something to work with. She said something during our appointment that has really stuck with me. She said, "your constitution is changing". I've done a lot of changing over the last year - I've let go of much of who I always thought I was. I've confronted some things and pushed through them that I normally would have let beat me. I've accomplished more, lived more, pushed more than ever before. People say, "with all you have going on, are you stressed" and I'm always like "no, not at all" but my insides are telling a different story.

It has occurred to me that I really do need to let there be a change in my constitution - a change in my make up - in who I am. I need to let the shift happen - I have been fighting so much of these changes and I know that once I stop fighting and start accepting, I will physically feel so much better. I need to let it go....just let it go and it will let go of me.

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