"This just sucks"

I've been wanting to write this post for a few days, but my computer has been out of commission, thanks to Maggie and her chewing. Its all fixed and now I can get all my thoughts out of my head and onto my blog!!

Saturday afternoon was the funeral/memorial service for our friend Jake and his brother in law, Rick. Rick was a firefighter, so the service was very official and full of tradition. Jake worked for Snap-on Tools. It was a sight to behold.

There was a procession of fire trucks and Snap-on vans that traveled to all three fire houses in the area. There was a sea of uniformed firemen and women and Snap-on jackets and hats.

Trevor worked for Snap-on for about 10 years. When I met him, that's where he worked. It was a family and they welcomed me in right away. This job consumed our lives, we truly lived Snap-on. Still today, there are alot of things in our house that are Snap-on. When Trevor worked there, all his clothes has the Snap-on logo. It was a big family. We spent a lot of time together and really got to know people. Like any family, not everyone got along all the time, but they were still a family.

When Trevor left Snap-on, we knew that we were kind of divorcing the family. There are a few people that we still keep in touch with, but for the most part, we moved on to a different life. We haven't seen many of these people in over three years.

It was a very strange feeling to see all these people who used to be our life. When we walked in, Tammy, who used to work at the Branch office gave us both a Snap-on pin with a black and red ribbon. We still felt like part of the family.

The service was moving and sad, just as you would imagine the funeral of two 40 something men who died unexpectedly would be. I really didn't want to break down, so I kept my mind as removed from the situation as I could. Sitting next to me was one of the men that Trevor worked with. Trevor was a field manager and there were about 12 other guys who had the same job. Jake was one of them. They had Field Manager meetings once a month - they all got together and spent the day in meetings. I looked over and the guy next to me was holding the program with the picture of Jake on it. It hit me hard - these guys used to all sit in a room together and now, they were all sitting in a room together because one of them was dead. I kind of lost it then.

After the service we went to talk to Jake's wife Kay for a minute. We waiting in line as a sea of people waited to get a minute with Kay. She was standing there all alone and it again hit me - she is all alone. When we got to talk to her she turned and looked at us and said, "he always loved you guys". We talked about a few things and then she said, "this just sucks". No words could say more than that.

So many times you go to funerals and people are like "they are in a better place" and "I'm doing okay". To hear Kay say that her husband and brother beind dead sucked, really got to me - because it does suck and nothing will ever make it better.

We headed for home and I couldn't stop thinking about how this used to be something we were so much a part of. Now, after all these years, we are a part of other things, we have moved on - but a little piece of us will always be with the Snap-on family and vice versa.

I don't miss it and I don't want to go back, but I can now appreciate it for what it was...a way of life....a family...of which, we were lucky to be a part.